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‘The ABCs of Metallica’: Heavy metal band plans to release children’s book

Metallica have announced they are releasing a children’s book, which is sure to become a treasured classic at baby showers and christenings for generations to come.

“The ABCs of Metallica” will tell, in alphabetical rhymes, the history of one of the world’s greatest heavy metal bands. For a really wholesome experience, we suggest pairing a bedtime reading with some of Metallica’s most-loved lullabies, like “Seek and Destroy” and, of course, “Enter Sandman.” Johannes Brahms himself couldn’t imagine such a placid soundscape.

The band revealed the (extremely cute) cover on their website and social media. According to the announcement, a portion of the proceeds from the book’s sales will go to the All Within My Hands Foundation, Metallica’s nonprofit that supports workforce education and hunger prevention.

You thought we were kidding? Nope, this is some hardcore wholesome stuff right here. The book will be available for purchase in November, but devoted metalheads and future godparents can pre-order it now.

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